Men Cry

How comfortable is it for a man to cry? For me it’s taken a lot. Even at a family member’s funeral I found it hard to shed a tear. I’ve gotten better at being vulnerable over time. But again, it’s taken a lot. As men, we carry the burden of being masculine. In some cases we’re taught to be hypermasculine, which is another form of toxicity. Ironically, this patriarchal society leads to our own downfall as men. This is a cycle we need to break.

Today I hung out with a friend of mine who had no problem being vulnerable. As he was recounting an old memory, he had tears coming down his cheeks. I was taken slightly off guard as we’d only known each other for 2 weeks. But connection has no time constraints. He was comfortable opening up to me, and he wasn’t afraid to let his emotions out. This is powerful as a man. From being little boys, we’re taught not to cry. But a grown man was comfortable crying in front of another as a sign of what he was really feeling. This is breaking the cycle.

The most I’ve probably cried was earlier this year at age 29. I had been doing a lot of self work and had gone to a lot of therapy. So I was feeling more free. It was my time to shed some tears. It was the day after I had learned a lot about my family history. This history gave me such context as to why my upbringing was a certain way and why my family was a certain way. We were all a product of trauma, specifically the men. Although I had spent 20 minutes crying the same day I learned of these things, it didn’t stop there. I was on my way to work the next day and I cried during the whole journey. I spent a 45-minute train ride sobbing. I didn’t care that there were other men who witnessed this. I felt free and happy that I could even cry in front of them without holding back. I was being me. The tears continued for the next 15 minutes or so I spent walking to the office. Now I was breaking the cycle.

The work doesn’t stop here though. Us men don’t express as much as we should. It’s become our nature and it’s been passed down for generations. There’s a lot more to us than just being masculine. We can be loving, gentle, and compassionate as well. And as men, we can uplift each other as opposed to trying to compete with one another. We have similar struggles at the end of the day. And together we can break the cycle.