Self-Critique or Self-Hate?
Some say there’s a thin line between love and hate. I say there’s a thin line between self-critique and self-hate. We live in a world where progress is applauded, but never enough. While some cultures may have a different take on perfection, the dominant view in the world is such. People want to see you grow and progress, but you better not make any mistakes. You could be a role model for little kids and get praise from your whole country. The minute you fall short, the world is quick to shoot you down, much quicker than they built you up. This is why we critique ourselves so much. We’re scared and afraid to fail. And we see failure as the end. So this self-critique has turned to self-hate, thanks to society.
Self-critique is pushing yourself to be better. If I miss a few free throws at basketball practice, I’ll think about my form and mental state during the process to see what I can change. Self-hate would be getting angry at myself for these misses and seeing it as a bad thing. At this point I’m attacking myself, not trying to correct myself. And this is what we do. We attack ourselves, pretending that we’re correcting ourselves. All we’re doing is increasing our fear of failure. And fear is not an effective motivator for progression. Because society tends to attack us for our mistakes, we do it to ourselves as that’s easier to deal with. And deep down, we want society to tell us to be light on ourselves. We seek this type of validation as the world has “validated” being cruel on ourselves. We want the pendulum to swing the other way. But waiting for society to catch up is like playing with fire. You can easily get burned.
I spent some time in Thailand where I learned how important it is to just be and not put pressure on ourselves. This is how we truly live. In the U.S., we tend to make ourselves miserable in the process of working to achieve something. We think working ourselves to the ground is the standard or the only way we can achieve. In Thailand, I was in the boxing gym with some of the best fighters who smiled during the whole session. Self-critique can get you to the next level of peace. Self-hate is not necessary.
