The Mirror Test

You've probably heard of looking in the mirror and seeing who you are. Hopefully you like what you see. I see myself in the mirror. I don't think much of it. On one hand, you might say I passed the mirror test. But as the days go on, I see how I've been concealing my true self. So have I really passed the mirror test?

My true self doesn't check his phone the second it beeps. My true self doesn't check his credit card balance every day. My true self doesn't create conversations in his head before they actually happen. My obsession with being perfect and deep fear of failure makes me a prisoner to myself. The real me doesn't want to live this way. But this anxious way of life has become second nature. And sadly, it's become comfortable.

Today as I walked home from work, I noticed there was an uneasiness inside of me. This comes from living life off of impulse. As opposed to letting things flow, I rush them all. Now I'm paying the price. This is years of anxiety and restlessness. It's time to finally relax.

Perhaps my upbringing is the root cause of my way of life now. I was always around tension. Even in my own home I didn’t feel safe. Twenty years later, those scars are still there.

This has been a tough week. While I’ve been actively more in tune with myself, I’ve felt a lot of anxiety and depression. These have come from entering this uncharted territory. I’m tapping into myself on a level I never have before. And it’s pretty scary. But so are all things we haven’t done before.