Survival

It was a dark night. Laying down in my college dorm room, I’m feeling hopeless. Senior year and my demons are the only thing on my mind. At a time where the other seniors are thinking about their careers, I’m fantasizing about the end.

I didn’t know what to do. There was no light. There was no life for me. I proceeded and wrote “suicide” on my Instagram story. One lady replied but I never checked what she said. To this day I don’t know what her response was. In the middle of the night, I heard knocking on my door. It took a while for me to hear it. A resident assistant was knocking first. By the time I heard the knock and went to the door, there was a security guard there by himself.

Tom was concerned. It was clear that he had a heart. He told me I can talk to him or the RA if I need anything. He was a very nice guy. I felt his consolation. He wanted me to live.

I’ve been watching ‘Squid Game’, where people are under the threat of death while trying to make money. They’re putting it all on the line to survive. At 22 years old, I was desperate for survival. Deciding to write “suicide” on Instagram was a cry for help.

And help was what I received. As mentioned, The RA and security guard came knocking on my door. I eventually got to thank the RA since I didn’t see them the first time. Perhaps it was the lady on Instagram who contacted the University. I know this person, but we haven’t gotten to speak since. I owe her a thank you.

The next morning, I took down what I wrote on Instagram. I could see that a few people had seen it. I wonder what they may have thought or felt. Nonetheless, there were enough people concerned at this point. Later I received a phone call from the University to discuss the event. They recommended I enter counseling. They signed me up for a session and I’ve been in psychotherapy ever since.