Projection

“I'm not stupid!” Ouch. What a wounded individual. I can't count how many times where I've felt like I had to prove my intelligence. People in the past have felt like I was behind intellectually. They'd call me names and imply that I wasn't smart. This happened during my childhood and has stuck with me in my adult years. Now I tend to project this pain onto others.

In 2025 I can see how we project as human beings. Driven by fear of rejection and insecurity, we'll behave in ways that we think are acceptable. For example, the other day a young lady asked to sit next to me on the train. She asked me hesitantly and even apologized for asking. I was completely fine with her sitting next to me. She was afraid I would either decline her request or make her feel bad about it. This is why she asked hesitantly and apologized. She was projecting her fears onto me and wanted to protect herself, just in case I gave her an unfavorable response. Meanwhile, I was completely unbothered.

Projection. A common thing we tend to do in our daily lives. Based on our past traumas and experiences, we project our fears and insecurities onto others. I had a long talk with my therapist on this topic yesterday. She said that our childhood wounds have impacted us to where we'll act out and get into arguments when we feel like our character is being threatened. She was adding so much context to my life. Many times in my adulthood, I wouldn't accept any critique because I thought those were attacks on my intellect, or better yet attacks on my character. So I'd get defensive and the situation would blow out of proportion. It's not the critique, it's what the critique represented - that I wasn't smart or good enough.

Lately I’ve been having reflections. I’ve realized how family members have projected on to me. I was a punching bag for their pain. As an innocent party, I’ve carried that pain and redistributed it to others. That’s all I’ve been thinking about this week. A lot of the hurt that I’ve caused has also come from my peers and classmates as a child. They led me to believe I was inadequate. And now I challenge myself to feel like I’m enough.